The Daily Routine I Need For My Mental Health & Well-Being

As I begin writing this post, the house is quiet. It’s still dark, the sun has yet to peek over the horizon. I have some soft piano music playing on my phone nearby. A cup of coffee within arms reach and a blanket covering my lap make for the perfect little writing setup. My alarm is usually set to go off sometime between five and six, which gives me at least a couple of hours’ time before the sun fully rises and the house wakes up. I’m a momma, I’m tired, I need to rest… but I also need this. I need my routine and my time for myself in the morning. I need this time more than I need a little more time to sleep in. Don’t get me wrong, sleep is one of the most important things for your body and for your well-being… You need to sleep, you need to rest. Those nutritious meals, the gym workouts, the big ol’ jug of water… all of the things people try to include in their daily lives to live a healthier lifestyle mean nothing if you don’t get enough sleep. You need to prioritize rest just as much as everything else (easier said than done for parents, though!). And you should never, ever feel guilty for sleeping in and resting more. Your body knows what it needs. I just have to be mindful to go to bed at a decent time the night before, knowing that my early mornings are a part of my self-care routine. And if I have a late night? Well, then I’m flexible and understanding about my morning and I do allow some extra time to sleep in. Again, sleep is so, so important.

Ever since my daughter was born, I’ve been in a very blessed and privileged position to be able to stay at home with her. I took a few weeks to adjust to life as a new momma, and then from then on, I’ve been working from home part-time. I started working for VIPKid, which is an online teaching platform where you typically work super early morning hours. Because of my schedule, I was basically forced to become an early, early morning person, and have since still loved waking up early to have some time to myself. This post is a little more personal, as I’m going to share about my own daily routine. If you’re reading to maybe get some ideas on a self-care routine or just to feel some solidarity from another momma, keep in mind your own natural habits, your flow of the day, your own family and their wake times, your work schedule, etc. Of course, everyone’s day and routine will be unique. I’m just going to write about what has helped me over the years of being a momma, especially the past couple of months, to maybe spark some change in perception and inspiration for other readers.

I see a lot of posts and articles about how moms stay up late after the family has gone to bed to get a little smidge of some quiet, free time. For a lot of parents, that time after the kids have gone to bed is the only opportunity they have to themselves. Between kiddos waking up early, having to wake up early to leave for a job, having to get kids ready for school or daycare, etc, it makes more sense to try to have that time at night. Because of my schedule while online teaching, I was getting up so early every day that I chose to go to bed early alongside my daughter. I became someone who likes to call it a night pretty early to have that “free” time in the morning instead. Now, even though I’m not teaching for VIPKid anymore, I still love and value that quiet time in the morning that I had for so long, so I’ve kept a similar morning schedule.

Anyway, first I’ll share how I’ve felt without a routine and without that “self-care” time in the morning. My online teaching job kept me pretty disciplined. I had to wake up, show up, and teach, so I had to get up, get ready, and start my day regardless if I wanted to or not. On the days when I didn’t teach, the days I taught later in the day, and the weeks after my online teaching days were over, I started to become pretty laid back. I started snoozing my alarm more and more, sleeping in, and waking up when my daughter woke up. The more I slept in, the harder it became to wake up early again. I started snoozing my alarm and rushed to get ready for my classes. I slept in more and more and skipped my time in the morning which made me feel unprepared for my day with my daughter. I would spend the rest of the morning trying to catch up with what I didn’t get done and just felt very distracted and not present during the day. The less I did, the more it negatively affected how I felt. I was slipping further and further into habits that were self-sabotaging to me, habits that didn’t make me feel good. But day after day I still slept in, still skipped my morning routine and my responsibilities, didn’t get that time for that self-care that parents so desperately need, and all of that really started to take a toll on my mental health. I was feeling very disorganized, guilty, distracted, and anxious.

I wasn’t taking care of myself properly physically or mentally, and it was affecting my parenting. I was quicker to get annoyed, impatient, and irritated. I was feeling a lot of anxiety during the day. I would get frustrated with my daughter about things I knew better than to get frustrated about. As a momma who is trying to be a respectful and gentle parent, I know it takes work. It takes effort. It’s actually harder to parent that way because we have to overcome those mental obstacles and triggers to work on bettering ourselves and staying calm, collected, and patient in order to be understanding and mindful of our kiddos during challenging moments. It’s so easy to lose it and snap on our kids. That’s what we- respectful and gentle parents- try to avoid, but all of us still do it. Does it make us bad parents? Of course not. We are learning and growing, too. That’s something I’ve had to learn and really believe as a momma… that when I do get more angry or impatient, when I have a bad day, and when I feel like I’m falling off the path of my respectful parenting journey… it doesn’t make me a bad parent. I just have to work a little harder to do some self-reflection, to figure out why I’m getting more triggered and struggling more, and to put in the effort to try to get back to a place where I want to be. Again, sometimes it feels like it takes so much effort. After weeks and weeks went by where I was just not doing what I knew I needed to do for myself, I finally told myself that something needs to change. I mentally don’t feel good, my days don’t feel fulfilled, my writing and posts are lagging, and I feel like I’m struggling as a parent and I’m letting my daughter down. I knew I needed to make some changes.

I finally took some time one day to physically write down a morning routine for myself. I read that if you write something down, tell another person, and just do something to get it out of your headspace and out into the world, you’re more likely to follow through with it. I created my little morning schedule to be realistic and to follow a more natural flow of what I like, or at that point, what I liked, to do in the morning. That’s another thing… if you try to force yourself to have a routine or do things that are so incredibly outside of your natural comfort zone and seem unrealistic, you’re way less likely to follow through. You have to be willing to put in the effort to make positive changes, yes, but you also need to be understanding of yourself, your abilities, your schedule, your kiddos… all the things. You don’t want to set yourself up for a situation that’s just not realistic because it may make you feel worse, you know?

So, I set a wake-up time for myself that was realistic and still flexible. It’s early enough for me to both get enough rest and to get things done, but also not crazy early. When I was teaching in the morning, so often would I have to wake up at like 3:30, 4:30 in the morning… yikes. I start my morning with a glass of water, and I’ll let our dog out to spend a few minutes outside with him. I often have to work through a lot with my mental health (I struggle with a nice mixture of general anxiety, which definitely became worse after having my daughter, inattentive ADHD, and some mild OCD symptoms… lovely!) and I read that dehydration makes symptoms of anxiety and ADHD worse, so I try to keep myself hydrated the best I can. I also know that there’s almost nothing better than fresh air, so I told myself that a good dose of some fresh air to start the morning would be beneficial.

Next, because of my OCD, I feel better both mentally and physically when my space is clean. In general, we keep our house pretty tidy and clutter-free. We do some deeper cleaning at the start of every month. I usually don’t need to tidy up too much in the morning, what helps is just keeping things maintained throughout the week instead of letting things pile up and then trying to tackle big cleaning tasks. But anyway, I still like a tidy space. Our kitchen, dining, and living room are on the first floor of our home and it’s all kind of open-concept. I’ll take some time to tidy up the kitchen, unload the dishwasher, straighten up the living room, and clean up my daughter’s little play corner, which is in the living room. We don’t have an office (our third bedroom will be a nursery in a few months, yay!) or a super big house (we are blessed regardless), so I always work on the laptop downstairs at the dining room table or on the couch. It’s my working space, so I always tidy up enough to just give it a nice, fresh start for the day. Every couple of days or so I’ll sweep or Swiffer, whenever it’s needed. So, cleaning… check!

Then, I’ll put on some soft, calming piano music. I spend a little time doing some light exercises. I’m not a regular gym-goer, I don’t think I’ll ever be as long as we have young kiddos in the house, we just generally try to stay active and spend a lot of time outside as a family. But, I do like my little exercises in the morning. I do a few light exercises, and then spend some time doing some strengthening yoga stretches, especially now that I’m pregnant. It gets my heart rate up a smidge, and it makes me feel better for the rest of the morning and day.

After that, I’ll go upstairs and freshen up. I’ll admit, I don’t shower every day. I used to, but since becoming a mom, I’ll be honest, sometimes a shower just isn’t a priority. (It’s hard to squeeze in a shower every day with young kiddos, am I right??) So, I usually shower every other day. If I need to, I’ll take a quick shower. If I don’t, I just do what I can to freshen up. I get myself fixed up just enough so that I feel good and ready for the day. This is super important for me as a stay-at-home/work-from-home momma to feel productive. I still need to feel like I have a normal daily routine. I still wear casual clothes at home, but I can’t lay around in the clothes I slept in all day and not bother to get ready. I also find it’s hard to get ready when my daughter is awake and hanging out with me, and honestly, sometimes it’s kind of annoying (sorry sweet girl!). She means well, and sometimes it’s fun, but sometimes I also feel a little annoyed if she’s in the bathroom with me and tries to go through my makeup bag, takes things out of the cabinet, etc. I just like to get that stuff done quickly before everyone else is up for the day. That way, I can very quickly touch up some makeup or something if needed later on and just be ready to go anywhere instead of having to do it with a lovely, grabby, curious, playful toddler at my feet.

Ah… it’s tidy, I’m clean… I feel good at this point! It’s normally still mostly dark outside and I feel better because I’ve cared for myself both physically and mentally, and the day has barely started. Now, I’ll make myself a cup of coffee (just a tiny one while I’m pregnant!), make a small bite to eat and settle down to do some tasks and work on the laptop. I’ll update my planner and check what’s coming up, make a list of little notes/to-do’s for the day, make a grocery list if it’s grocery shopping day, and get house-management things checked off… send some emails, pay bills, etc… whatever little things need to be done. Then, yay! It’s website + writing time. I work on any freelance writing submissions I have, work on my website blog posts, and try to do some social media posts. My “working” time. I try to prioritize half my “morning me-time” as my laptop + working time. I’ll do as much as I can until the sun starts fully rising and the house starts waking up. Some days I’m really into my writing, I’m excited, I’m on a roll and I can write for a long time, while other days I’m not so into it. I might be feeling distracted about something else going on in my life and need to refocus. My routine helps tremendously with my anxiety, but I still have days where I just don’t feel good and know I need to take some time to let it pass. If that’s the case, I’ll stop and do some reading or clean and listen to a little parenting podcast or something. Anything I can do during this time to try and be productive and stay relevant to my site or educate myself as a momma, despite how I’m feeling, I like to do in the last half of the morning.

By this point, it’s usually time to finish up, greet my daughter, and make some breakfast together. If she’s not yet calling for me and still playing in her room (she usually plays in her room for a bit before wanting to come out for breakfast), I’ll go continue some laundry, prep some fruit and snacks if needed, get some other little cleaning things done, etc… whatever is needed for me to do I’ll try to get done while she’s still playing.

So… that’s my little morning! Yes, I wrote a ton, and I included a lot of extra thoughts and details. Trust me when I say the morning is not super full, packed, crazy, or anything. It’s quiet, it’s calm and dark, some soft music is playing, and I take my time. It’s not right for me or my personality to spend the morning rushing around. I feel much better easing into the morning, taking some time for myself, and getting some things done to get myself ready and feel productive before the rest of the day begins. I can’t tell you how much better, happier, calmer, and more present I feel throughout the rest of the day when I make it a priority to follow my routine in the morning. It allows me to feel better about myself both mentally and physically, and when I take care of myself, I’m a much, much better parent. It’s like that airplane example… you can’t help others unless you put on your mask first. Always try to make it a priority to “put your mask on first,” to take care of yourself… you will feel better about yourself and you’ll be able to feel much calmer, more patient, and more understanding with your kiddos. As parents, we have to be a little selfish. We need to take care of ourselves, too!

Also, as far as my little “routine” goes, I wrote it out by hand- simple, little notes- on paper and taped it on the inside of the front cover of my personal planner. Again, writing anything down so you can see it may help you feel more accountable. I wrote it out in pencil, so for the first couple of weeks, I could erase, move, and tweak some things to make it a natural flow for my morning. We have a family whiteboard calendar (which I highly recommend!) in our kitchen, but I always have my personal little planner, too. I have extra notes and things in it that are more for myself and for my organizational needs as a momma. In the morning, I keep my planner open and my routine front and center. It just holds me more accountable and helps me feel less anxious [if I’m having a harder time that morning] to focus on my little routine. After I’m done with something, I can go back and check to see what’s next (even though by now I have my morning memorized, haha). Again, it’s written out, it’s there, and it keeps me focused. It all helps keep me organized to please the little OCD part of my brain, and it helps keep me focused to please the little ADHD part of my brain. In return, I mentally feel better, more productive, and more centered overall, and so it lessens any feelings of general anxiety for the morning and throughout the day. Yay for working on mental health! (:

I’m going to wrap this all up… it’s already become one of my longer posts. It’s so easy to write and write about personal experiences and thoughts. I always love reading about real things other mommas experience, probably more than just educational/parenting type stuff. All things are important and necessary, but it’s so important for us, as parents, to feel understood and to feel that solidarity that other parents can provide. I hope more than anything this may help in some way! Remember that anytime you read something, it’s important to remember that every parent, family, and circumstance will never be the same. I read things and take away bits and pieces, thinking about how they could pertain to my life as a momma or our life as a family… taking what I read to form an overall mindset, knowledge, education, and perception… if that makes sense. My situation with my little morning routine is so unique to me, what I’m able to do, and what I need. Again, I am privileged to stay at home and work from home. My daughter is three years old, not a baby, with a pretty consistent sleep schedule. And it’s been three years of working to help her feel comfortable playing independently in her room in the morning, which now allows me even more time. Life is way different for parents who work outside of the home, parents who take time at night, parents with multiple children, parents with babies, etc… I am able to have my routine because of my blessings and circumstances. (Life will definitely have to be more flexible and adjusted when our second baby arrives, trust me! Back to the infant days.)

Of course, there are many days where I have to be flexible about my routine and I have a different looking morning… maybe if my daughter didn’t sleep well and needs me, I was up late so I do need to prioritize sleep for a little longer, if I’m not feeling well, etc. Or maybe if I go through a period of change and struggle to get back on track, like when I stopped doing the online teaching. It took weeks, I’d say even a few months, to get myself back to a place where I was feeling better about myself and following my self-care routine. And even when I started my little routine again, it wasn’t like I was perfect with it. I would do well for a couple of days, let it go for a few more, and so even that took some time to really get back into it. Change is always a process. As adults, it’s important we are mindful, responsible, and put in the effort, but life is also about giving yourself grace. So definitely don’t read all of this about my experience and compare it in a way that makes you feel like you need to do what I do. Life is so different for every parent and every person, I just wanted to share what’s worked for me. If you can take anything away from this post, just remember to take time for yourself. Take care of yourself in the way you know you need to. Be selfish. Love and care for the family, but don’t forget to love and care for yourself, too. YOU are important. You deserve that self-care… that self-love. You aren’t just a parent. You are still you and you always will be, before anything or anyone else. (:

As always, thank you so, so much for taking the time to read all of this!

Lots of love,

Anna

Links from the article:

My planner from Amazon, Click here to view

Personal planners from Amazon, Click here to view

Whiteboard calendars from Amazon, Click here to view

Online teaching with VIPKid, Click here to view

A highly rated book about habit changes that’s been recommended to me… definitely check it out!

Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones by James Clear

For some other great ideas…

Positive Routine and Change Books from Amazon, Click Here to View