Little Ones Do Grow Into Bigger Ones. They Become Big Siblings. But That’s Not All They Are.

My daughter is going to be a big sister! 

We are anxious and excited- and also a little nervous- for our soon-to-be bundle of joy. I know my daughter, who’s currently three and a half, is going to love her little brother and be the sweetest big sister! She loves her baby dolls and already has a naturally nurturing personality, so I’m not too worried about the transition. It still is going to be a big change, though, and we have to anticipate that our daughter is going to have some feelings… possibly very intense feelings… about the change. It’s normal and completely developmentally appropriate for kiddos to exhibit some big feelings and changes in behaviors- or new behaviors- after a new sibling comes home.

My daughter has been the center of our universe for over three years. She has had all of our attention and love to herself and soon will have to somehow share her mom and dad, her home, the attention from family and friends, her everything… with this new addition that she didn’t ask for. Even though she seems excited and happy about becoming a big sister, it can still be confusing and probably a little heartbreaking for children, like they’re losing mommy and daddy in a way. She may not understand why momma can’t play because she’s feeding the baby, or why daddy can’t pick her up because he’s holding the baby… she may feel sad or frustrated or jealous that this new person in her home is taking time and attention away from her parents and from her, and she has the right to feel how she feels about it.

We have to remember that her world is going to change. New siblings are some of the biggest changes and transitions in a child’s life, no matter what age they are. We are going to do our best to make sure life doesn’t change too much for her, we’ll keep the same flow and soft routine of our daily lives as much as possible. As parents, we picture this sweet, wonderful bond between siblings, but it can still be incredibly bittersweet for kiddos. They will undoubtedly love and adore their new sibling, but it’s still a big change. It will be a transition that will require a lot of mindfulness, patience, and understanding. In the meantime, we will love our daughter and give her all the extra cuddles. 

That being said, becoming a big sister isn’t all she is. I find it similar to becoming a mom… I love the fact that I’m a momma, but I often feel like hey… I’m not just a mom now. I had a life before becoming a mom, and I have a life outside of just being a mom. I have other thoughts, knowledge, opinions, ideas to share, things to do, and stuff to talk about that isn’t just about my kids, parenting, or being a mom. Same with my daughter. She’s been asked so many times already if she’s excited to be a big sister and if she’s going to help take care of her little brother. It’s natural when a baby is expected in a family to want to include the sibling or siblings in the new baby talk. I know once her brother is here, others will probably understandably want to ask if she likes being a big sister, what she thinks about her new brother, if she helps to take care of her brother, etc… I want to make an effort to remind her that she’s still her wonderfully unique and special self, regardless of the fact that she’s now going to be a big sister.

Older siblings have other thoughts and ideas. They have their own interests. They have their own things they will want to talk about and do besides talking about the new baby, playing with the new baby, and helping the new baby. I don’t want my daughter to feel like her new baby brother is completely overshadowing her little life and every interaction she has once he comes. Yes, there will be an adjustment period. A time when family and friends are excited about the new baby, are going to meet him, and will want to talk about him. It’s normal, anticipated, and parents completely understand. 

Parents just want their older kiddos not to be forgotten during the new adjustment. I’m excited for our new baby, of course, but my heart hurts for my first baby. She is so special and unique and wonderful, and I don’t want her to feel left out and overshadowed by the new addition. I want the transition to be as natural and normal as possible. Yes, we will have a new baby. Yes, life is going to be different with a new baby. However, I want to continue life as normal in our home to the best of our ability. I’m sure my daughter will love being a big sister and love helping with her brother. But she also may not. She may not really like him. She may not want to help take care of him like she takes care of her baby dolls. These are all normal reactions around a new baby, too, and it’s not her responsibility to like him or help take care of him. That’s mom and dad’s job. 

A child’s job is to simply be them. To laugh, to play, to learn, to be silly… Our daughter will still be her own self. She loves talking about how she’s going to be a big sister and we are so excited about her new role as a big sister, but we can’t forget to remember her just as she is and help her to still feel seen and special.

Little ones do grow into bigger ones. They become big siblings. But that’s not all they are. They are their own special and unique selves, and it’s important to remember that.

Thank you for reading! 

Lots of love…

Anna 

**Check out my post about tantrums, here. Children normally exhibit some intense or new behaviors before and after a new sibling arrives. Janet Lansbury is another wonderful resource when it comes to learning about children’s feelings surrounding a new baby. (View here website here) I always recommend her resources- she has a couple of awesome books, her social media accounts to follow, and her podcast Unruffled, which is my favorite parenting podcast. She’s been the biggest help and learning resource as a momma! Her books are also available in audio versions, so it was nice to listen to them on my phone like a podcast. (: I have Janet’s books linked in my post about all of our favorite parenting books here.