Positive Phrases to Say Instead of “Good Job!”

“Good job!”

…a simple phrase often used to praise little ones. How effective is “good job,” really though? “Good job” is harmless and okay, but it also may not be the most effective phrase to use with kiddos all the time. Below I’ve included some examples of some more connected, positive phrases to say instead of “good job!” and why it’s important to be mindful of what we say to children of all ages. (:

When it comes to littles, it’s important to help develop their intrinsic motivation and sense of self. Intrinsic motivation means feeling proud, happy, motivated, confident, and satisfied internally rather than for an external reward. We all want our little humans to feel happy and proud of what they do, what they learn, and what they work on within themselves. Saying “good job” time and time again is okay, but it’s a phrase that’s just very broad. There are more effective and connective positive phrases you can use with your kiddos to help them build that intrinsic motivation and to acknowledge what they are doing without using “good job” so much. These phrases can help positively motivate children’s behavior and thoughts while allowing them to feel good about things they’re doing. They can even help show your kiddos that you’re even more connected and present in that moment since they’re a little more specific than “good job.”

I always remind myself to keep phrases pretty neutral and not to make too big of a deal out of everyday things. Kiddos want to be seen and heard, so simple phrases to show your child or children that you acknowledge them and their actions are encouraging without giving too much external positive praise. We want to show our kiddos that we see them, we hear them, and we are proud of them time and time again, but to also help them build that intrinsic motivation within themselves to keep forever, thinking things like, “Hey! I just worked really hard to do that. I feel really good that I kept trying.” Instead of waiting for mom, dad, or grandma to give them that external praise of a “good job!” to feel good about what they did.

One thing I read a long time ago that’s been helpful for me ever since is to remember to positively acknowledge more than to positively praise. Acknowledge the action with a positive and happy tone, but keep things neutral. Overly praising and acting too excited can shift kiddos into doing things only to receive that external praise from caregivers. Remember, the goal is to help encourage and build that intrinsic motivation.

Here are some examples of positive phrases your family can incorporate into your day with your own little ones…

“You’re working really hard at _____.”

“You’re working really hard at trying to close those tough marker caps.”

Or… “You worked really hard to ____.”

“You worked really hard to put your shoes on all by yourself today!”

“I liked watching you _____.”

“I liked watching you carry your cup of milk very gently to the table.”

“How do you feel _____?”

“How do you feel after finishing that book?”

“That was kind of you to _____”

“That was so kind of you to share your snack with your brother!”

“I enjoy _____.”

“I enjoy walking into such a clean room, wow!”

“You should feel proud _____.”

“You should feel proud of yourself for working so hard at that!”

“I see that you _____.”

“I see that you went potty all by yourself! Let’s wash our hands together.”

“We appreciate _____.”

“We appreciate it when you take your shoes off by the front door, thank you!”

“Thank you _____.”

“Thank you for waiting for me while I finished checking out the groceries, I appreciated that.”

“Wow, _____.”

“Wow, you used so many colors!”

“What do you think _____?”

“What do you think you should do next time you’re feeling a little nervous about trying something new?”

Since my daughter is still pretty young, oftentimes I will just simply say what she did with a positive tone (which is pretty similar to the examples listed above). Again, it’s important to focus on that acknowledgment rather than praise. For example, the other day my daughter went down a big slide at this playground we like (something she’s done many times now). She said, “Momma I went down the slide all by myself!” I responded with a big smile and said, “Woah, you went down the big slide!” and we carried on having fun at the park together. She just wanted me to see what she did, and she seemed pretty proud of herself! As a mom, that’s the goal. I want my daughter to feel proud of her hard work and accomplishments internally rather than to always seek external praise for her actions.

As kiddos get older, you can add more ways to help them think about what they do, how they feel, how others feel, etc… This helps to build that intrinsic motivation while developing a sense of self and an awareness of others. (: For example, instead of telling an older kiddo “good job” when they tell you they finished a book, you can ask them how they feel about finishing the book, how some of the characters felt, or maybe what they’d like to read next. Or if your kiddo goes out of their way to help someone, you could ask them how they felt about helping someone else, or maybe how the other person might’ve felt when your kiddo helped them… … anything that sparks some thinking, you know?

Kiddos of all ages love when their caregivers are present, interested, and aware of what they do!

Hopefully, these positive phrases help provide some inspiration! It may take a little time and practice to get out of the “good job” habit. When my daughter was younger, I wrote reminders with these positive phrase examples on sticky notes and kept them in the bathroom and on the fridge. I still do that with anything I’m trying to learn and remember. Now it’s natural and a habit for me to use more of these connective positive phrases rather than “good job” so much. Remember, a few “good jobs” are still okay. If other caregivers like grandma, the babysitter, or a teacher use “good job,” it’s not a bad thing. Just try to use more connective, positive phrases at home with your kiddos so they can hear them, and so as parents we can help them develop that wonderful sense of self and intrinsic motivation!

I appreciate you taking the time to read this! (:

Lots of love,

Anna