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Texting, social media, direct messaging… do you love it or hate it? Maybe both?
I was sitting on our bedroom floor the other day, folding a basket of laundry, thinking about the long list of messages that constantly sat, unread, in my phone, in my email, on Instagram… If you’re like me, you’ll blink and a week has passed by the time you finally send that message back to your friend. I am forever feeling guilty and apologizing to friends and family for delayed responses. Half of the time it’s because I get distracted and have to stop what I’m doing to tend to whatever is distracting me… the sweet kiddo, the oven timer, the dog… but I’ll be honest, the other half of the time, I just really feel like I don’t want to talk. Not because I don’t care (I always do!) or because I don’t enjoy catching up, but I just can’t. I know that may sound selfish, but if you’re a parent like me, I have a feeling you understand.
Small talk is exhausting. The pressure to constantly stay connected to others is exhausting. The piled-on guilt of not being able to respond until much much later is exhausting.
Nowadays, as parents, we have the convenience of social media and cell phones. It’s wonderful, sure. We can text grandma if we need a quick babysitter. Start a group chat to plan a dinner with friends. But if you’re busy with your family, life is passing by, and you’re going day after day feeling guilty about those constant piled-up, unread, un-replied-to messages and feeling like you aren’t doing enough to stay connected to everyone… I am writing to you to urge you to let those feelings go. Let that guilt go. Give yourself grace. To stop feeling guilty about living your life, being present with your family, and cutting off that tether that is this constant pressure to text and talk and respond respond respond.
I want to remind myself and remind others to appreciate those moments where you do catch up with your loved ones. A quick phone call here, a few texts back and forth there, and Facetime call every other week or so… It’s a blessing to be able to communicate so quickly with others. It’s a blessing to be able to be a part of your loved ones’ lives, and for them to be invested in your life and your family’s lives. I’m definitely not saying to not make an effort. It’s important to still make an effort with your relationships. Just be honest with your friends and family and let them know that hey, you’ll respond when you can and you may not be able to talk all the time. Little moments of effort here or there to show your loved ones you’re thinking of them is nice, and they’ll appreciate it, and that’s all. I honestly think everyone, whether they have kids or not, understands how exhausting and unrealistic the constant communication feels.
So take away that pressure. Tell yourself that it’s okay not to respond right away, or even respond at all. Tell yourself you don’t have to feel guilty about leaving the phone or the computer in the other room to focus on caring for your family. If the pressure of those piled-up messages is doing nothing but causing you stress and guilt, let it go. Just because texting exists, just because social media exists, just because direct messaging exists… whatever it may be… just because it’s there, just because the messages are there, it doesn’t mean we have to use it or keep responding. Our parents and their parents and their parents didn’t have to be so connected all the time. We don’t have to be either. It’s an unfair and unrealistic expectation. Your friends and family will understand. Putting up boundaries and giving yourself space from constant communication will give you more peace, trust me.
Lots of love,
Anna
